Marriage Series: Soul Mates

I do not have any Catholic sources for this post, only my own thoughts and ideas. But I believe my reasoning is based on common sense, reality, and faith—and that is where I will start.

So many people have this idea of “soul mates”. They feel, as I used to, that somewhere in this huge, ever-growing world there is only one person that God designed for them to marry. And somehow we will “just know” when we meet the right one, the only one, for us.

Why would this be a false idea? How could this become a problem? A few things Catholic come to mind. First, in the Bible, it states that if you become a widow, you are free to marry again, because the marriage bond is broken through death (and only through death). How could we marry another if there was only one God-created spouse out there for us?

Second, what if, with all our human faults and failings, we marry the wrong one? Then one day we meet the “perfect one”, our soul mate? Shouldn’t we be able to divorce our current spouse to marry this one person God created for us? Well, as stated above, it is only through death that the marriage bond is broken and since killing is a sin, we will be stuck with our spouse until they die naturally!

This idea has hurt so many people and so many marriages. People think that when someone “better” comes along, they should divorce their current spouse and marry the lover. But the grass is not greener, as “love” comes in stages and the first stage of love is the only one most people actually consider love. (If you don’t have those butterflies in your stomach or the cheesy grin on your face, you must have “fallen out of love”. I will talk more about this erroneous notion later.)

So if we do not have a soul mate, how do we know how to pick a spouse? Courtship.

Up Next: Courtship vs. Dating

For full texts of the documents used, see my Marriage Series: Introduction

Marriage Series: An Introduction to Marriage

As I have discussed previously on this blog, marriage is a vocation. It is a beautiful, God-given relationship designed to express the life-giving love of God. God designed marriage from the beginning: Genesis 2:22-24.

22 And the Lord God built the rib which he took from Adam into a woman: and brought her to Adam. 23 And Adam said: This now is bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. 24 Wherefore a man shall leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall be two in one flesh.

As a vocation, marriage is extremely important and not to be taken lightly. A search online through the Catechism brought up 77 paragraphs including the word “marriage”! Throughout this series, I will try to elaborate as much as possible on the importance of marriage, its meaning and its purpose.

This opening from the Bishops’ “Statement on Same-Sex Marriage” is a beautiful way to end my Introduction on Marriage:

“The Roman Catholic Church believes that marriage is a faithful, exclusive, and lifelong union between one man and one woman, joined as husband and wife in an intimate partnership of life and love. This union was established by God with its own proper laws. By reason of its very nature, therefore, marriage exists for the mutual love and support of the spouses and for the procreation and education of children. These two purposes, the unitive and the procreative, are equal and inseparable. The institution of marriage has a very important relationship to the continuation of the human race, to the total development of the human person, and to the dignity, stability, peace, and prosperity of the family and of society.

“Furthermore, we believe the natural institution of marriage has been blessed and elevated by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament. This means that Christian marriage is more than a contract. Because they are married in the Lord, the spouses acquire a special relationship to each other and to society. Their love becomes a living image of the manner in which the Lord personally loves his people and is united with them. Living a Christian sacramental marriage becomes their fundamental way of attaining salvation.”

Up Next on Wednesday: Between Man and Woman (Only)

For full texts of the documents used, see my Marriage Series: Introduction

Marriage Series: Introduction

Many people today walk down the aisle thinking they love the person they are about to marry and hoping they will spend the rest of their life with him or her. This is almost the way it should be. If this were a complete picture, why do as many as fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Moreover, why are so many people cohabitating instead of getting married?

To answer these questions, we must start at the beginning. I believe that many people today no longer understand the meaning and value of marriage and the family. They do not understand the true, God-given meaning of love. They do not understand the sanctity of the marital act. They may not even understand or believe their marriage vows! How have we gotten to this state? How can we return to God’s way? I hope that you will learn all this and more in the wonderful series, I have put together. I look forward to sharing each post with you!

The topics for the series are:
* An Introduction to Marriage
* Between Man and Woman (Only)
* Soul Mates
* Courtship vs. Dating
* Is “Love” Required for Marriage?
* Chastity before Marriage
* Cohabitation
* Interfaith Marriages
* Engagements
* Prenuptial Agreements
* Getting Married in the Church
* Vows
* “Getting to know each other”
* Marriage is for Children
* The Importance of NFP in Marriage
* True Love … What is Love?
* Raising Children in the Faith
* Theology of the Body and Marriage
* Arguments are Not the End
* In-laws and Family
* Marriage and Money
* Women and the Vocation of Marriage
* The Problem of Divorce
* Some Final Words about Marriage

Just like my last series, I have used a great deal of sources. Instead of linking each source on each post, I have compiled them here for ease of reading. Please read the ones that interest you. They are all Catholic sources and I enjoyed reading them myself!

These are available free online:
* The Holy Bible from New Advent
* Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI
* Mulieris Dignitatem (On the Dignity and Vocation of Women) by Bl. Pope John Paul II
* Familiaris Consortio (The Family in the Modern World) by Bl. Pope John Paul II
* “Letter to Families” by Bl. Pope John Paul II
* “Letter to Women” by Bl. Pope John Paul II
* Family, Marriage, and De Facto Unions by Bl. Pope John Paul II
* “Preparation of the Sacrament of Marriage” from the Vatican
* “Between a Man and Woman Q&A About Same Sex Unions” by USCCB
* “Statement on Same Sex Marriage” by USCCB
* Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan by USCCB
* Married Love and the Gift of Life by USCCB
* Catechism of the Catholic Church on USCCB
* Catechism of the Catholic Church on Knights of Columbus: better for searching
* “Pastoral Letter on Cohabitation” by The Kansas Catholic Conference
* Catholic Dating Guide by Jason E. King
* Preserving the Sanctity of Marriage by Rev. W. Becket Soule, O.P.
* Superstition of Divorce by GK Chesterton
* Divorce versus Democracy by GK Chesterton
* The Defendant by GK Chesterton
* Manalive by GK Chesterton
* Superstition of Divorce Lecture by Dale Ahlquist

These must be purchased:
* Together for Life by Joseph M. Champlin
* “Living Together Before Marriage” by Katrina Zeno and Christopher West
* Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West

Remember to check back here often, as I hope to update this page frequently.

The New Marriage Series

This is not my introduction to my new series. It is only an overview and look ahead for everyone to see what is in store!

I feel it is important for me to site Catholic sources with my series. I do not want to write another one like my Back to Nature series where I strictly state my ideas and thoughts. These latest two, Open to Life and now Marriage, are too important not to add Catholic sources.

With that said, I have a great deal of reading in store for me with this series. I have not read all the papal encyclicals about marriage, women, and family. I also have books from Chesterton, Bishops’ letters, and a few Catholic web articles that I plan to read. I hope that my motivation and time management will help me to accomplish this quickly so I can start writing.

If you watched my introduction page for my last series, you saw immense growth in the amount of posts I had. I started with about four posts in mind and the series grew to a total of 22 (including the introduction and closing remarks)! This one is already starting to do the same. I began my thoughts with only the idea of soul mates and it has grown from there. I currently have these posts in mind, but I am hoping to add many more:

* Between a man and woman
* Soul mates
* Courtship vs. dating
* Cohabitation
* Engagements
* Prenuptial agreements
* Vows
* “Getting to know each other”
* Theology of the Body and Marriage
* Arguments
* The importance of NFP
* In-laws and family
* Marriage and money
* Women and the vocation of marriage
* The problems with divorce

As I said previously, I am taking a little time off to move and delve into writing ahead for this series. I plan to post my Marriage Series Introduction in about two weeks.

Open to Life: What is Wrong with Fornication?

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series: What is Openness to Life?


I talked about sex before marriage briefly in my last post: Theology of the Body.

Our society talks about and occasionally even teaches “abstinence”. Although abstinence is called for, without the moral and religious meaning behind it—it is just abstaining, but for what? Society teaches it as a form of “birth control”, but this is not the reason that God made sex solely for marriage! Catholics and some Protestants teach chastity. Although chastity is so much more than waiting until marriage, I am restricting my discussion to that aspect alone.

In The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits, John Bruchalski links fornication to birth control and even abortion.

“To me, the teaching that sexual intercourse is reserved for marriage, that partners in marriage must respect one another, and that marriage involves the total giving of oneself to one's spouse in love, in family life, and in sexual intercourse, is a very powerful and positive teaching. It allows us to be open to life, open to love.

“Its antithesis is the idea that has been adopted by our culture: that individuals have a right to sexual relationships outside of marriage, and that, whether single or married, individuals have a right to sexual intercourse free from any concern that a child might result. Taken one step further, this provides a foundation for the mentality that accepts abortion: if a child results from sexual activity, whether inside or outside marriage, the right not to have to ‘deal’ with that comes into play.” (emphasis original)

Fornication and living together before marriage are wrong. But why? God gave us this supreme act of love so that we could express and image His love. One cannot do this with anyone other than their spouse to whom they have committed their lives and hearts. The Bishops teach, “Sexual intercourse is meant to express the total and unrestricted gift of self that takes place in married love. To have sexual intercourse outside the covenant of marriage is gravely immoral because it communicates physically the gift of oneself to another when, at the same time, one is not willing or able to make a total and permanent commitment” (Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan). Katrina Zeno in “Living Together Before Marriage” uses the same teaching and states, “Pope John Paul II once said that the opposite of love is not to hate another, but to “use” another as an object. When we “take” sexual pleasure from another without “giving” ourselves totally—past, present, and future in a bond of permanent love that is open to new life—we are actually using this person."

Christopher West, in “Living Together Before Marriage”, brings up an important issue. He says,

“If you are having sex with your fiancé now, there’s one thing you know about him or her. He or she is willing to have sex with someone he or she is not married to. … It shouldn’t surprise us in the least that those who are sexually active before marriage have much higher rates of infidelity during marriage. These are the logical consequences of failing to understand the inherently marital meaning of sex.” (emphasis original)

Up Next: Prophesies in Papal Encyclicals

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Theology of the Body

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series: What is Openness to Life?


Most quotes from this post are from Theology of the Body for Beginners. The numbers in parentheses are page numbers. I thoroughly enjoyed the book both times I read it, but I have to admit, this post is written from my notes I took from the book a few years ago. It is currently packed away in boxes. I wish I had the time to get it out and reread it for this post.

I would like to focus on just a few sections. The whole book is greatly important, and Man and Woman He Created Them: A Theology of the Body is even more important, but I chose only the most relevant parts to include here.

The first is Spousal Love as Prayer: “The internal goal of every marriage is for the spouses to ensure that what they express subjectively in their sexual union confirms the objective truth of God’s plan. … Simply getting married is not enough to make sexual union something holy and beautiful” (99). Many engaged couples would ask, “What is wrong with having sex now if we’re going to be married in a few weeks (months, etc.)?” Christopher West answers this exact question in “Living Together Before Marriage”. There is no difference. “What you are doing now is not marital and—unless you have a change of heart before the wedding—what you’ll be doing then won’t be marital either” (9). The marital union can only be fully realized the way God intended within marriage and with a pure heart.

The second section is an interesting one. It is entitled Respect for Procreation. On page 104, Christopher West tells us that “even Sigmund Freud recognized [that respect for the procreative function of sexual union is the linchpin of all sexual morality]. In Freud’s book Introductory Lectures in Psychoanalysis he wrote, “Abandonment of the reproductive function is the common feature of all perversions. We actually describe a sexual activity as perverse if it has given up the aim of reproduction and pursues the attainment of pleasure as an aim independent of it.” Even the atheist psychologist understood the importance of openness to life.

I will lump the next two sections together, as they are very similar (“Birth Control” and the Purpose of Contraception). “The Church has always recognized that the only method of ‘birth control’ that respects the language of divine love is ‘self-control’” (111). Chesterton has a similar quote that I shared earlier. To fully understand this, we must realize that the purpose of contraception is not to prevent pregnancy—abstinence was around long before contraception, is 100% effective and 100% safe. “Contraception was invented because of lack of self-control; contraception was invented to serve the indulgence of lust” (113).

The last two sections (Lust and Sex and True Freedom and Sex) are so important. In his book Love and Responsibility, Karol Wojityla (Pope John Paul II) wrote, “If sexual intimacy results from nothing more than lust, it is not love.” This is so true today. Many people do not even know what true love is. I have heard multiple TV show characters that are getting divorced say, “I still love you.” How can you love someone and leave him or her? What does this teach society? I want to finish with a few final quotes from the book:

• “What distinguishes us from the animals? Freedom!”
• “God gave us freedom as the capacity to love. Contraception negates this freedom.”
• “Contraception not only attacks the procreative meaning of sex, ‘it also ceases to be an act of love’ (TOB 123:6). If you cannot say no to sex, what does your ‘yes’ mean?” (emphasis original)
• “Only the person who is free with the freedom for which Christ set us free (see Gal 5:1) is capable of authentic love.”

Up Next: What is Wrong with Fornication?

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: What is Wrong with ARTs?

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series: What is Openness to Life?


I want to start with a quote from Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology:

God is love. Made in God’s image and likeness, we human beings are created by love and for love, called to share God’s unconditional love with each other and the world. … Keeping this vision in mind, we can understand that some aspects of the vocation of marriage and parenthood cannot be delegated to others or replaced with technology. Because we are made in God’s image, we are called to imitate him by letting new life arise from the loving union that makes two persons “one flesh.” Children are not parents’ possessions to manufacture, manipulate, or design; rather, they are fellow persons with full human dignity, and parents are called to accept, care for, and raise them to be new members of God’s family and his Kingdom. Children deserve to be “begotten, not made.” In love, hope, and prayer, then, let us be open to God’s gift of life and love in marriage, with profound respect for the dignity of all God’s children.

6 week old baby (still considered an embryo)



Most forms of assisted reproductive technology are immoral. These include artificial insemination, using donor eggs and/or sperm, surrogate motherhood, in vitro fertilization (IVF), intracytoplasmic sperm injection (ICSI), cryopreservation, and preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD).

Artificial insemination replaces the marital act and usually requires illicit means of semen collection. It can even involve donor sperm (and eggs), which brings a third party into the marriage. This certainly dissociates the act of love between husband and wife and is gravely immoral ("Infertility and Reproductive Technologies", 7).

Surrogate motherhood also involves introducing a third party into the marriage. This again dissociates the act of love between husband and wife and is gravely immoral. Sometimes the surrogate is contracted and money is exchanged. “This objectifies the surrogate woman’s body making her into a rented incubator and it likewise reduces the child to a commodity" ("Infertility and Reproductive Technologies", 7).

Because of the many problems (both moral and medical) associated with in vitro fertilization, I will address it separately in my next few posts.


Up Next on Wednesday: What is Wrong with IVF?

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Assisted Reproductive Technologies

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series: What is Openness to Life?


Doing the research for this post completely shocked and saddened me. I only looked up articles and documents related to reproductive technologies on Catholic websites (mainly the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops’ site). Nevertheless, what I found on there was beyond words.

One of the worst things I read was how New Jersey passed a law in 2004 making it legal to clone embryos, implant them into women, and then abort them for use in research. Yes, you really did read that correctly. Here is the link. There is actually a whole page full of links related to this topic, but I did not have the courage to read them after that.

Why is it that we do not hear of all these “scientific advances” and research studies in the news? Could it really be that no one in the news media cares about these issues?

We must remember that God’s ways are not our ways. There is holy mystery in God’s choosing to bring human life into being in one manner and not another (ART and the Family).

There is a reason why the Catholic Church teaches that it is immoral for technology to replace the marital act and it is not because of where the use of these procedures will lead. It is because life is sacred, the marital act is holy, and nothing should come between the union of man and woman in their sharing of the creation of new life with God. We may think that warnings of future problems will change people’s minds and hearts, but prophetic warnings from Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae did not prevent people from using contraception. (I will talk about this in a coming post.)

Very few assisted reproductive technologies available today are moral. Those that are include medications that help with fertility and surgeries that repair or reconstruct reproductive organs or that remove blockages. Natural family planning charting (using the sympto-thermal method) is one of the best ways to help identify specific fertility issues in women.


Up Next: What is Wrong with ARTs?

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Contraception and Medicine

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series What is Openness to Life?


Contraception is any action, drug, or device that interferes with conception. Many things fall under this blanket, including sterilization, condoms, diaphragms, jellies, IUDs, hormonal birth control, or any act that does not allow conception to take place within the marital union.

There are many reasons not to do engage in these all things, but I will stick with the most popular forms of birth control today. Of all women in America at reproductive age who have been or are sexually active, more than 98% of them have used contraceptives according to the CDC report: “Use of Contraception and Use of Family Planning in the United States 1982-2002”. The most popular form of contraception in the nineties was surgical sterilization (“The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits”). Today the most popular form of birth control is the oral contraceptive pill (CDC).

Sterilization
According to the CDC report, 3.4 million men and 10.3 million women in America have been surgically sterilized. According to multiple studies, many of these people regret the procedure. Of women who are sterilized, up to 73% of accidental pregnancies that occur will be ectopic pregnancies, which result in either a tubal removal and subsequent death of the unborn child or the death of both mother and child. These women are also more likely to have increased menstrual flow and increased pain, and are more likely to be hospitalized for menstrual related disorders (“The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits”).

For men, according to two large studies completed by the Harvard Medical School, those with vasectomies have a 56% increase risk of prostate cancer later in life. In addition, 50% of men with vasectomies will develop antibodies to sperm, and almost 70% of men who have a vasectomy reversal will develop them. Sperm antibodies reduce the amount of sperm available in the testes and subsequently reduce the chance of conception.

Oral Contraceptives

Hormonal contraceptives are the only drugs available that stop a normal human function from working. When makers of “the Pill” made their first formulations, many women actually died – from a pill made of hormones already present in the human body! The solution … lower levels of estrogen, which caused break-through ovulation. The solution to that problem? Add in progesterone, which changes the lining of the uterus making it inhospitable to implantation of a newly conceived child, thereby causing an early abortion. Even with correct use, the breakthrough ovulation rate is 2-5% depending on the pill used. If pills are missed early in the cycle, ovulation can occur in 25-30% of cycles (“The Contraception Revolution and Its Fruits”). (All hormonal contraceptives can cause early abortions. These include the morning-after pill, the patch, implants, shots, and IUDs.)

The Pill is currently the most common contraceptive with 12 million American women and 70 million women worldwide taking it (“The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits”). Nevertheless, it has many annoying and even dangerous side effects. The biggest problem is, even if a side effect only occurs in 1% of the Pill users that amounts to talking about 8.2 million women worldwide.

Some of these side effects include: headache, nausea, weight gain, lowered libido (which may never return even after stopping use), fatigue, breast tenderness, fluid retention, carbohydrate intolerance, spider veins, depression, high blood pressure, cervical ectopia (damage to the lining of the cervix), higher cholesterol, growth of fibroid tumors on the uterus, blood clots, increase risk of heart attack and stroke (for smokers), increase risk of cervical cancer, and 40-1000% increase risk of breast cancer (possibly more aggressive and appearing at a younger age).

The younger a woman is when she starts taking the Pill and the longer she takes it before her first full-term pregnancy, the higher the risk of breast cancer. Women who use the pill for four years or more before their first full-term pregnancy have a 52% increased risk of breast cancer (OSV Newsweekly Article).

Condoms
The third most popular form of birth control according to the CDC is the condom. The only medical side-effect problem associated with condoms is latex intolerance or latex allergy. However, condoms only have an 87% rate of preventing pregnancy and only a 46-82% effectiveness in preventing HIV. They offer no protection from herpes and HPV (a cause of cervical cancer) because these STDs can be transmitted through contact with areas not covered by the condom (“The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits”).

** All unnatural methods of birth control have less obvious but even more serious side effects – spiritual, emotional, marital, and societal.

Natural Family Planning
Ecological breastfeeding gives the best nutrition to babies and costs nothing. Systematic NFP costs only a few dollars for thermometer, charts, and study materials. It can help a woman detect health problems early on, which can allow healing and even returned fertility for some infertile couples.

Natural family planning is natural. In a world caught up on health and the organic, no GMO, natural food craze, it sure seems hypocritical to see those same people engage in unnatural and even chemical forms of family planning.


Up Next: Chesterton and Birth Control

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Contraception and Society

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series What is Openness to Life?

* The rise in:

* Adultery
* Divorce
* Premarital sex
* STDs
* Out-of-wedlock births
* “Fatherless” children
* Poverty
* Crime, drugs, and violence

* “Normalization” of homosexuality
* Legalization and subsequent skyrocketing of abortion

What do all these things have in common? Contraception.

Some of these things may seem obvious, while others might be harder to conceive. There is, however, a connection. One church embarked on this path in 1930 (as mentioned earlier) and the world has been a downhill slide ever since.

* People throughout history have been tempted by adultery, but their main deterrent was always pregnancy. What happens when this consequence is taken away? – A rise in adultery.

* What does adultery generally cause? Divorce (“The Contraception Question” by Christopher West)

* Use the same logic and apply it to premarital sex. What happens? A skyrocketing of fornication.

* With more people engaging in sexual relations, STDs are bound to become a problem. (“The Contraception Question” by Christopher West)

* Since no method of contraception is 100% effective, we now have a huge increase in out-of-wedlock births.

* To follow this further, what happens with the “unwanted” pregnancies? Women now have a “need” for abortion.

Rev. Walter J Schu affirms that “[b]ehind the contraceptive mentality looms a materialistic concept of the human body as an object that can be manipulated. When we live out such a view of the person and human sexuality, it is no surprise that where contraception fails abortion often follows. Sexual intercourse tends to be reduced from an act of personal self-giving to one of mutual sensual gratification freed from any tie to responsibility to new life." ("Contraception and Abortion: The Underlying Link")

* In addition, some fathers are unwilling to support the children who are born, so we now have an increase in “fatherless” children. (“The Contraception Question” by Christopher West)

* With the increase in single mothers from divorce or never having been married, poverty numbers climb. (“The Contraception Question” by Christopher West)

* “Fatherless” children are much more likely to be involved in crime, drugs, and violence. They are also more likely to have children out of wedlock and to divorce (if they marry). (“The Contraception Question” by Christopher West)

* Finally, homosexuality has no rationale against it when the act of procreation is separated from the marital union and any means of sexual pleasure is acceptable.

As stated in Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan, “By using contraception,” married couples “may think that they are avoiding problems or easing tensions, that they are exerting control over their lives.”25 At the same time, they may think that they are doing nothing harmful to their marriages. In reality, the deliberate separation of the procreative and unitive meanings of marriage has the potential to damage or destroy the marriage. Also, it results in many other negative consequences, both personal and social. 25 Married Love and the Gift of Life)


Up Next: Contraception and Medicine

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Contraception and Morality

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series What is Openness to Life?


First off, we must remember natural family planning is not “Catholic birth control”. In NFP: The Complete Approach (6) it states,

Christian marriage is a sacrament in which the spouses are called to be generous to each other and to be generous with God in having children and raising them in the ways of the Lord. Marriage is for family.

Children are gifts from God. Most Christian married couples can assume that much of the time, perhaps even most of the time, God is calling them to be generous and to invite another child to share family life on this earth and to share eternity with Him. The knowledge of systematic NFP is also a gift from God, and couples should use it generously, not selfishly. [emphasis mine]

Keeping this in mind, we can now discuss contraception. Most couples today wonder what type of contraceptive they should use instead of whether they should use it. Contraception has become a part of culture and has been distinguished as the “responsible thing to do”.

However, most people are unaware of contraception’s history. Before 1930, all Christian churches taught that contraception was contrary to God’s design. It was Margaret Sanger (the founder of Planned Parenthood) who lobbied for its use, and the Anglican Church was the first to concede. But it only allowed contraception for married couples with severe difficulties. [I will talk about Margaret Sanger and her mission in a later post.] Because of this, the door opened for all other protestant churches, and within thirty years, almost all denominations accepted and some even promoted birth control.

But in the pamphlet entitled “The Contraception Question”, Christopher West asserts, “In rendering sex sterile, we take the powers of life into our own hands and make ourselves like God.” We are not God and cannot assume to be. Children are not commodities that we can produce when convenient and kill when they are not. [I will talk about science and technologies in later posts.]

Admonitions made by Popes:
Pope John Paul II stated that contraception “is to be judged so profoundly unlawful as never to be, for any reason, justified. To think or to say the contrary is equal to maintaining that in human life, situations may arise in which it is lawful not to recognize God as God” (address, Oct. 10 1983).

Pope Paul VI in Humanae Vitae said “To use this divine gift destroying, even if only partially, its meaning and its purpose is to contradict the nature both of man and of woman and of their most intimate relationship, and therefore it is to contradict also the plan of God and His will. On the other hand, to make use of the gift of conjugal love while respecting the laws of the generative process means to acknowledge oneself not to be the arbiter of the sources of human life, but rather the minister of the design established by the Creator.”

Pope Pius XI said on December 31, 1930, “Any use whatsoever of matrimony [the marriage act] exercised in such a way that the act is deliberately frustrated in its natural power to generate life is an offense against the law of God and of nature, and those who indulge in such are branded with the guilt of a grave sin” (Casti Connubii, 56).


Up Next: Contraception and Society

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Why Use Natural Family Planning?

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series What is Openness to Life?


Most people, when they hear “natural family planning”, think of the old-time, rarely reliable rhythm method. It is important to realize that present-day natural family planning methods differ considerably from the Calendar Rhythm that was taught early in the last century.

Breastfeeding as it is commonly done in the United States has little or no effect on the return of fertility. Even mothers exclusively breastfeeding, but not following any of the other six standards, can have menstruation (and fertility) return within six weeks postpartum. With ecological breastfeeding, the chance of pregnancy is almost zero during the first three months, less than 2% between 3 and 6 months, and about 6% after 6 months (assuming menstruation has not returned). The average return of menstruation is 14 to 15 months postpartum, with 72% of mothers experiencing their first period between 9 and 20 months. (NFP: The Complete Approach, 2) When menstruation returns early, there is a tendency to be infertile for the first few cycles, while those whose menstruation returns late are likely to ovulate before their first postpartum cycle.

Many health agencies, both national and international advise that all babies should be exclusively breastfed for the first six months because of the many health and psychological benefits to both mother and baby. Ecological breastfeeding offers the best opportunity for maintaining good milk supply for the duration of the breastfeeding period. According to NFP: The Complete Approach (6),

Ecological breastfeeding requires close mother-baby contact. This is good for both mother and baby. This best helps babies to thrive. We like to think of it as God’s own plan for baby-care and baby spacing, but it generally precludes working outside the home or being excessively busy with a home-based business. The proper care of babies takes time. The combination of mothering and homemaking is a full-time job. [Sound familiar?]

One of the many advantages of ecological breastfeeding from a purely moral standpoint is, although you need certain conditions to justify additional spacing of babies with systematic NFP, you do not need any sort of “spacing” reasons to breastfeed. When ecologically breastfeeding, you are doing what is best for your baby, and this just happens to postpone the return of fertility as well. Extended infertility is a normal, God-given side effect of following God’s plan for baby care, and it is respectable and appropriate to hope for this along with all the other advantages of breastfeeding.

What about the systematic methods of NFP? When couples follow the guidelines for chaste abstinence during the fertile period using the symptom-thermal method, they have a 99.6% chance of not conceiving based on a German study published in February 2007 (NFP: The Complete Approach, 2). Using systematic NFP to conceive also has benefits. “About 80% of couples with normal fertility conceive within six cycles, frequently one to three cycles. Couples with marginal fertility will usually conceive within six to 12 cycles” (3). This is because accurate charting helps the couple determine the most fertile time of the cycle. Charts can also be useful for getting help with infertility, as most doctors will ask for them.

Some women take the pill for “medical reasons”. However, the pill only masks the symptoms; it does not treat the illness. Many people can go years with a serious reproductive health issue (such as endometriosis), and when they want to conceive, only then will they realize they have a fertility issue. Nevertheless, charting can help explain certain physical symptoms and emotions, as well as help determine abnormalities in a woman’s health. Some women may even identify underlying health problems and find healing with the knowledge gained through charting.


Up Next: God is Love

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: What is Natural Family Planning?

If you are new to this series, I recommend starting at the beginning: Open to Life Series What is Openness to Life?

Natural family planning (NFP) is a way of using God’s plan and, consequently, respecting Church teaching to achieve or avoid/postpone pregnancy by using the physical methods that God has built into human nature. There are two different types of natural family planning: systematic NFP and ecological breastfeeding.

The first type, ecological breastfeeding, is the form of nursing in which the mother fulfills her baby’s needs for frequent suckling and her full-time presence and the child’s frequent suckling postpones the return of the mother’s fertility (Natural Family Planning: The Complete Approach, 1). Ecological breastfeeding is explained by the seven standards listed below.

Sheila Kippley created the phrase “ecological breastfeeding” to differentiate this natural and traditional form of baby care from “cultural breastfeeding” (the use of bottles, pacifiers, and baby-sitters, which contribute to mother-baby separation and less frequent suckling).

To remain infertile during breastfeeding, you must follow all seven of these standards for ecological breastfeeding. In less developed countries, these practices are customary and therefore babies are frequently spaced two to three years apart without contraception or periodic abstinence.

1. Exclusively breastfeed for the first six months of life (no other liquids and solids). After six months, slowly begin to introduce other liquids and solids.
2. Pacify your baby at your breasts.
3. Do not use bottles and pacifiers.
4. Sleep with your baby for night feedings.
5. Sleep with your baby for a daily-nap feeding.
6. Nurse frequently day and night, and avoid schedules.
7. Avoid any practice that restricts nursing or separates you from your baby. (Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing, 4)

According to NFP: The Complete Approach, “The great strength of ecological breastfeeding is that it is truly God’s Own Plan for naturally spacing babies, and it does not require systematic fertility awareness and periodic abstinence. Another great strength is that it encourages extended breastfeeding that carries many benefits for both mother and baby.” It also requires mothers to take full responsibility for the care of their babies instead of designating such responsibilities to others (something I have discussed previously). Its only weakness is the fact it is countercultural in the West and as a result will be difficult without support from the husband, family, and/or friends.

Systematic natural family planning is the method that uses a woman’s natural physical signs to identify the fertile and infertile times of the menstrual cycle. Using this method allows you to “know the most-fertile days in the overall fertile time for achieving pregnancy. All true NFP systems use chaste abstinence during the fertile time as the method for avoiding pregnancy. The use of systematic NFP involves both the knowledge of fertility and putting that knowledge into practice” (NFP: The Complete Approach, 2).


Up Next: Why Use Natural Family Planning?

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: What is Openness to Life?

We must start the discussion with first things: Life is better than death. If we understand and agree on that one principle, we will see how everything will stem from that.

Being open to life is not always easy. As the saying goes, “God never said it would be easy; He just said it would be worth it.” Having a marriage that is open to children does not mean that you are open to life unless every marital act is open to life. Using contraceptives in any form, at any time, is morally wrong. However, “God has wisely ordered laws of nature and the incidence of fertility in such a way that successive births are already naturally spaced through the inherent operation of these laws” (Humanae Vitae, Pope Paul VI, 11).

We are all called to “be fertile and multiply” (Genesis 1:28 NAB). The Church calls every family to be generous with regard to children. It is only for grave reasons (that must respect the moral law and be prayerfully considered) that we are allowed to limit children for a certain or indefinite period of time (HV 10).

More and more we seem to have a culture of materialism instead of children. Parents are worried about paying for private schools, cars, and college instead of being generous toward children and letting God take care of the rest. In his book The Well and the Shallows, Chesterton says,

He [the child] is also a much more beautiful, wonderful, amusing and astonishing thing than any of the stale stories or jingling jazz tunes turned out by the machines. When men no longer feel that he is so, they have lost the appreciation of primary things, and therefore all sense of proportion about the world. People who prefer the mechanical pleasures, to such a miracle, are jaded and enslaved. They are preferring the very dregs of life to the first fountains of life. They are preferring the last, crooked, indirect, borrowed, repeated and exhausted things of our dying Capitalist civilisation, to the reality which is the only rejuvenation of all civilisation. It is they who are hugging the chains of their old slavery; it is the child who is ready for the new world.

Another common misconception of today is the concept of “readiness” for children. When are we ever truly ready? Will we ever have “enough” money or “enough” time? This is another one of those materialistic considerations. When people think they must have $1,000 saved to buy all the latest and greatest gadgets for baby, we know they have “lost the appreciation of primary things”.

Consequently, our society today considers parents with only three children to have a large family and rudely asks, “Are you done?” Turkeys are done, chores are done, but children? God calls us to be open to life so that He may bless us with another child.

Up Next: What is Natural Family Planning?

For full texts of the documents used, see my Open to Life Series: Introduction

Open to Life: Series Introduction

With all my discussions of truth and Chesterton, I thought I should talk about a very important topic, relevant to married and single people alike – openness to life. This will remain a very reverent discussion.

In this series, I am planning posts on:
* What is Openness to Life?
* What is Natural Family Planning?
* Why Use Natural Family Planning?
* God is Love
* Contraception and Morality
* Contraception and Society
* Contraception and Medicine
* Chesterton and Birth Control
* Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ARTs)
* What is Wrong with ARTs?
* What is Wrong with IVF? (I)
* What is Wrong with IVF? (II)
* ARTs Related to IVF
* Theology of the Body
* What is Wrong with Fornication?
* Prophesies in Papal Encyclicals
* Eugenics and Birth Control
* Eugencis and IVF
* Eugenics and Abortion
* The Population Myth
* Closing Remarks

In my articles I have used many sources. Instead of linking sources on each article, I am going to compile them here and link to this page on each post. Feel free to read the full documents:

Casti Connubii by Pope Pius XI
Humanae Vitae by Pope Paul VI
Evangelium Vitae by Blessed Pope John Paul II
Deus Caritas Est by Pope Benedict XVI
Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan by USCCB
Married Love and the Gift of Life by USCCB
Life-Giving Love in an Age of Technology by USCCB
In Vitro Fertilization: The Human Cost by USCCB
“Contraception and Abortion: The Underlying Link” by Rev. Walter J. Schu, L.C.
“The Contraceptive Revolution and Its Fruits” by John Bruchalski M.D. FACOG
The Well and the Shallows by G.K. Chesterton
Eugenics and Other Evils by G.K. Chesterton
Social Reform versus Birth Control by G.K. Chesterton
The Thing: Why I am a Catholic by G.K. Chesterton
Eugenics and Other Evils Lecture by Dale Ahlquist
Natural Family Planning: The Complete Approach by John and Sheila Kippley
“Use of Contraception and Use of Family Planning Services ...” - CDC report

Some of my sources are not available for free. If you are interested, you can purchase them:

"The Contraception Question" by Christopher West
"Infertility and Reproductive Technologies: A Guide for Catholics" by Steven Bozza
“Living Together Before Marriage” by Katrina Zeno and Christopher West
Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing by Sheila Kippley
Theology of the Body for Beginners by Christopher West

Next Post: What is Openness to Life?

Woman at Home

Chesterton wrote in his book What’s Wrong with the World, “Now it is the great mark of our modernity that people are always proposing substitutes for these old things; and these substitutes always answer one purpose where the old thing answered ten.”

When a woman leaves the home to “focus on her career”, she leaves a laundry list of responsibilities, and a household hung out to dry. Who will watch the children? Who will cook the meals? Who will wash the clothes? Who will teach the children? And who will clean the house? The woman’s importance in the home is infinitely more valuable than any modern feminist could conceive.

Within the past century, services such as: daycares, preschools, “one-box meals”, frozen dinners, laundry services, dry cleaners, and maid services were made accessible to the lower and middle classes, because women decided they needed emancipation from domesticity. The need for these many “conveniences” only proves that married women with a career cannot “have it all”. They cannot be the “perfect wife and mother” if they are also an employee.

A person must decide their vocation at the brink of adulthood, and he or she has three choices: priesthood/religious life, marriage, or celibate single life. Within these vocations, people can choose occupations as well, but the vocation always supersedes the occupation. Aa a priest, a man cannot be a good shepherd to two thousand, or even to twenty, when he must raise up five at home. It follows that a woman who chooses marriage (and therefore motherhood) cannot work outside the home and still properly maintain the house and raise the children.

The selfish, individualistic ideas of our culture have caused many (if not all) of the current problems: irresponsibility, divorce, smaller families, an increase of women and children living in poverty, a dependence on the government for necessities, and disregard for human life. We need to get back to a family-centered culture instead of an individual-centered one.

Views, Beliefs, Differences

Sometimes I struggle in this "world". The views that I have are so much different and so contradictory to everyone and everything else in our society. I've discussed this with Robert on occasion but sometimes I just feel the need to share, to get it out, because I hate feeling like I have to "make excuses" for what I do or who I am.

There are so many times I wish I was alive in an earlier century rather than this modern era, a time when staying home to care for the house (even without children) was the norm, when people lived off the land instead of trashing it, and you didn't have to have a job or school or something else outside of the home to feel fulfilled (or rather for others to think you felt fulfilled).

Many times when people ask if I have a job and I tell them no, I feel like I have to make some excuse to add to my response because they expect that I should be working or going to school and will look down on me for staying home while my husband brings in the only paycheck. Instead, from now on, I'm going to try to stand firm and confident in my decision - I stay at home. And I love it. I don't need any outside obligations to make me feel fulfilled. I feel great where I am. I always have, even before I was pregnant.

When I was discussing this with Robert today, I realized that this is probably the reason I could never decide on a major or finish school. It wasn't my focus or my life's destiny. I love math. I love medicine. I love children (I was thinking of teaching at one point). But I didn't want to have something so important to focus on. My family (with or without children) is what's important to me, not an outside job.

Working at home - as in keeping the home - is job enough for me. Even now and especially when we have a bigger family (God-willing), I can't imagine trying to divide my time between a job (or school) and my husband and children along with keeping the house clean and food on the table.

It's not like I will only have a few years with my kids and then be back to a homemaker (instead of a mother and teacher) during the day. I want to homeschool. I know some people say they will get a job when their kids are in school, but that's not for me either. I will always be with my children and I that is important for them.

I may discuss more on this topic later, but I think that's enough for now. You can also check out this post that I wrote last summer for more of my views. But that post has a "stronger" view of this topic.

One Year!!

Yesterday was Robert's and my 1 year anniversary. We've decided that this year will be the only year we will celebrate our civil ceremony - July 22, 2008. Next year we will have "another" 1 year anniversary on June 6th (our Catholic ceremony).

For our special dinner we had some delicious homemade tortillas, homemade refried beans, shredded beef, and homemade tomato and onion "salsa".

1950's Housewife

With all my changes this week, I thought I would comment on why exactly I feel I need to make these changes. Lately I have been seeing a shift in my ideals. I've always been a little "old-fashioned". I was raised in a home where my mother stayed home. She did the cooking and the cleaning and even taught me how to crotchet, embroider, sew, and a little about how to use a sewing machine.

When I was younger, I always knew that I wanted to be a stay at home mother like my mom, but that's about where the idea ended. Now as I've grown a little older, I'm starting to see how the stereotypical 1950's housewife had it right.

I believe it’s a good thing for mothers to be at home with their children, for wives to have dinner ready when the husband returns home from work and to “keep the home fires burning” while their sailor/soldier/etc. is away. Why do I believe it’s good? In a nutshell, women were doing that for thousands of years and families were thriving. So what changed forty years ago that made women think differently?

A woman’s first priority should always be to her family. When other things come first, and let’s face it, sometimes work has to, that can greatly affect the family by reducing time available to clean and have a healthy meal on the table. So how can she justify going to work unless she has to, to support her family?

I’m not saying that every “dust bunny” has to be cleaned and every meal has to be healthy, but I think we’ve gotten to the point where “just enough” is now the standard instead of the exception. It’s more acceptable today to have a dirty home and fast food for dinner because “there’s just no time to do it all”! Something has to be sacrificed and it shouldn’t be the family.

I also believe that more families today have two working adults, not to get by, but to keep up their standard of living. Society says you have to have the biggest house, the nicest car, and all the luxuries you can get your hands on. But in the Bible, material goods do not make you wealthy; modesty, charity, and kindness do.

I think we all need to take a look back at our roots and see the destruction that this current way of life has brought us – higher divorce rates than ever before, higher suicide rates (of children, teens, and adults), abortion, and more debt than we’ve ever had.

Photo: 1950s magazine ad (from Flikr)

Update on Motivation

Well, I decided it was now time for my update on staying motivated. I debated whether or not to write this post, but decided that I should - to show that, even if you don't see them, I have so many faults of my own.

I decided I want to start being the best wife I can be. Why? Because lately I've been slacking. Really slacking. I spent most of my time on the computer when Robert wasn't home and still some time on the computer when he was. I think I was becoming addicted to reading blogs! I would stay in my pajamas all day instead of getting dressed (my reason - I didn't want to dirty clothes if I wasn't going anywhere). I wasn't exercising, fixing my hair, etc.

Despite all of that, I have been doing quite well with my lists of chores. So why is it that I can keep the house presentable but I can't do the same to myself? I can only come up with excuses, not answers. So that's why I've decided to change.

Robert always assures me that the house looks wonderful (even if I didn't do any cleaning that day) and my dinners taste great. Now I'd like some assurance that I'm doing the best for my marriage by being the best wife that I can be and that includes taking care of myself.

So, I am making a list - one that I can cross off every day of things that I need to do for me, that I'm really doing for Robert. I decided that if a list works with chores, it should work for other things as well.

I'll let you know how it goes. But I'm already giving it a good start today!