Being a Parent

I heard a quote once (from Roland on Army Wives) that this is "the hardest job you'll ever love". I'm definitely seeing that to be true these days. Benedict eats almost every hour during the day. He only takes one "true" nap during the day. A 2-3 hour nap in the afternoon. Other than that, he'll sleep for maybe 20-30 minutes once in the morning.

He is very "high needs" right now. A term I learned from Dr. Sears. Robert says "isn't every baby high needs? It's just some are more vocal about it?" - I believe that to be true, and let me say, Benedict is very vocal about it! He must be held constantly, even when he's sleeping. If he falls asleep and I put him down he will wake up within about two minutes and start crying. If I put him down somewhere when he's awake, he starts fussing immediately. If I wait too long to pick him back up, he is very hard to console.

He LOVES going for walks in the stroller at night. We've been doing that every night. But as soon as we get through the door (or today, even on the porch) he starts crying because he knows the walk is over!

And sometimes, even when I'm holding him, he still fusses. It's not an all-out scream, like when I put him down, it's just a fuss to say - "okay, next! I need to be walked around now!" Or the "I am hungry" fuss.

I am so glad that I got the pacifier. It is a life-saver right now. I think if I were to follow the "comfort your baby at your breast" rule of ecological breastfeeding, I'd be nursing constantly (literally!). I nurse enough just with him being hungry every hour.

And let me say - he goes through a lot of diapers because of this! I've been using disposables the past couple days because I was having constant problems with leaks with my cloth diapers. There was one night where I had to change his clothes every time I changed his diaper (like 3-4 times) because he seemed to soak the clothes more than the diaper! I tried to strip them yesterday and I let them air-dry, but they're still damp so I'm leaving them to dry for another night. Even with disposables, I still have to change his diaper every 2 hours - at that point it is bulging from being soaked so much. And last night (after only about four hours), even the disposable leaked.

The past two days have been really hard on me. My parents left yesterday morning so I've been completely on my own. Which is really difficult with Benedict's personality. I'm struggling with my patience - something people have always commented on in the past because I'm such a patient person. This is definitely new. And maybe with time it will get easier being a "single" parent, but for now - I just have to take it day-by-day (and sometimes even minute-by-minute).

With all that being said, I wouldn't change anything. He is my life and he does bring me joy when I get to see his occasional smiles. Mommy loves you, Bene! : )