Although I entitled this post “The Regress of Parenting”, I do not feel the title truly fits. Because you can only regress to a state you have been before and I believe this is entirely new ground – for all of us.
Many people today feel that anything new is best and anything old needs to go; hence, the negative reaction to all things “old-fashioned”. This country and others have put progress on a pedestal; they almost worship it. But has anyone ever wondered what we are progressing toward?
Always looking toward the future, while leaving past things behind, gets you nowhere fast. It is like trying to build a house while rejecting the idea of building on the groundwork you just laid. It is only when you continually build on a foundation that actual developments can be made. The only two institutions that have done this, according to Chesterton, are physical science and the Catholic Church.
One major area where our culture discards traditional ideas and worships new ones is with parenting. Even the word “parenting” is a new
idea. It originated between 1955 and 1960 when parents started looking to psychologists for advice instead of their own relatives or just using common sense. People used to call it child rearing, but that was when they focused on the marriage instead of the child. (Ironic isn’t it?) On Amazon alone, there are over 61,000 results for “parenting books”. Have we really gotten to the point where we trust a professional over our own judgment? Or where we think that each child (because of his/her birth order or inabilities) needs a different “approach to parenting”?
One of the best (of few) parenting books I have read –
Parenting by The Book by John Rosemond – offers four chapters on “The Great Deception” (as he puts it) which are about the lies touted by modern psychology. I have
talked about this book before. I even had it among my top ten favorites. If you are a parent or ever will be, this is a must read.
A classic example of the modern psychology problem is psychoanalyzing the child’s actions, which ends up putting blame on someone or something else. Because of this (it is said), you cannot punish the child for his reaction to something beyond his control. I will give an exaggerated example to illustrate the point. As the parent demands to leave the park, the child reacts by hitting the parent. Instead of punishing the child for hitting, the parent apologizes for upsetting the child. By over-focusing on psychology, we have forgotten about sin. Children need to learn discipline. Their behavior should not be excused.
One of the things I really hate to see is parents laughing at disrespect, disobedience, or inappropriate behavior by their children. Children love to have an audience, and the minute they find something to make you laugh, they will repeat it (frequently). Therefore, these things must be disciplined immediately and consistently to teach the child proper behavior and manners. Not long ago parents would not have tolerated this behavior and certainly would not have found it funny. Parents today think tantrums are normal and should be tolerated for 5-year-olds and even beyond. It should not. Parents today are frustrated when their children argue with them … but they can only argue if the parent allows (by arguing back)!
Our state of affairs today is not normal. We need to get back to normal. Old-fashioned and traditional should not be considered “bad words”. They are normal. We need to resurrect the old ideas and meanwhile abandon the new. But many people will say, “Times have changed.” To that I will respond, times have always changed, yet child-rearing styles have only drastically changed in the past fifty years. All the advances in the world should not change something so basic as the raising of a family.